On Testimony Thursday today, Jennifer Puentes is sharing her walk with COVID-19.
It is not me, it is my 55-year-old mother who has it. I am aware of the stats, and that 97% of COVID-19 patients recover. Then, there is the other 3%, who many of them are people with previous medical conditions and unfortunately end up dying.
About 15 years ago, a section of my mother’s lungs were burned chemically. The lady that owned the house where my mom cleaned gave her an unlabeled bottle of ammonia and chlorine bleach mixed. For those who are not too familiar with household chemicals, this is a deadly mixture. Ever since, my mother became asthmatic, age has not helped either. Thus, adding more complications to her health prior to this pandemic.
She contracted the virus at her current job. The elderly woman that she cares for contracted the virus from her granddaughter who is completely asymptomatic. Both my mom and the elderly woman started to manifest symptoms mildly. Then, the older lady’s health started to decay rapidly and was taken to the hospital due to her poor condition. It was then when she was tested for COVID-19, a few days later my mom received the news that the lady was positive for COVID-19, thus my mom was requested to get tested. After four failed attempts at different clinics, my mom was finally able to get tested in Hackensack, NJ since the other testing centers had collapsed due to overflow.
Even though my mom was hopeful, I stayed neutral since she was already manifesting mild symptoms. Needless to say, when the results came in as positive fear and anguish attempted to fill our hearts, I felt bricks falling in my stomach.
This process of COVID-19 with an asthmatic person at times feels like a Russian roulette. Some days, my mother is doing good, then other days when she can’t breathe all I can do is pray that the breath of God will sustain her and to prepare my heart for whatever is to come. This whole episode has taken me back to last October, when my father was attached to a ventilator because his lungs were filled with water after a heart attack. It was 10 long days of hoping that my dad would make it, but at the same time
praying for God’s mercy to end his agony as his physical health deteriorated, even if that meant his death. Indeed, God delivered, and today I know that my dad rests in the arms of our Father in Heaven in perfect health. Nonetheless, I miss him every single
day and look forward to seeing him when God calls me.
Yet, as I face my current reality, at first I felt as if I was riding another roller coaster of anxiety and helplessness. I started to wonder: “Would my mom make it? Would she die?-I’m still grieving my dad.” When my mom delivered the news to me, her request was to not put her on life support if it came down to that. Yet, all I could think about was how we were going to fight this until the end, my mind was rushing in anxiety and painful memories of my dad’s last days. As hopeful as I tried to be, the odds were
and still are against her. Those first days were draining after receiving confirmation of the virus, especially when my mother started having her firsts serious episodes of shortness of breath.
Then, one night while all I did was cry during prayer, wondering if
mom’s time on Earth had also ended- wondering if tomorrow would be her last day, this whisper pierced through all the emotional noise and said: “Don’t worry about tomorrow. Just live today and enjoy what you have. I’ll take care of tomorrow.” My tears stopped suddenly, and I understood the meaning to really live day by day. Since then, I have been simply grateful for every single day that my mom gets to live. I am also profoundly grateful for the people who have shown her unconditional love and kindness as we go through this process. God has indeed kept His promise, and she has been taken care of every single day. We have seen His hand from an abundance of gifted groceries, money for bills, an overflow of texts and calls, and an abundance of prayers coming from people who don’t even know her. It is beautiful to see how people from North and South America are coming together in support not just for my mom, but also for my family and me as we embrace this new season.
Despite social isolation, it is beautiful to see God’s children coming together as one big family in this difficult time. I still don’t know if my mom will live through this thing. I hope and I pray that she
does. Some might say that I should be more optimistic because God can heal her- And I don’t doubt it. But I also understand that just as the past and the present, the future also belongs to Him, and only He knows how many days we will live. All I can do is be
grateful for every single day that I get to talk to her, and even if God decides to call her, God is still good. Because as big as powerful as He is, He never rejects a broken heart. It will be painful to see her go, but who am I to tell God what to do? He knows our
future, we do not. Yet, it amazes me how the Creator of all things, the one who tells the oceans to roar and the universe to keep on expanding, has the heart to care for His children in every season. Even at our worst, when we mourn, His desire is to sing lullabies to remind us, that just as we came out of Him, we will return to Him at the right time with our loved ones.
“7 You are a hiding place for me; You, Lord, preserve me from trouble, You surround me with songs and shouts of deliverance. Selah 8 I [the Lord] will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you” (Psalm 32: 7-8, AMPC)
Some who don’t believe might think that such a mindset is foolish, especially since my dad passed away so recently. Grief to an extent is still vivid in my life currently. How could I still trust a God who breathes in life and chooses the day of our death? To that, I can answer that welcoming God into every stage of my life is what has allowed me to lift and become a better person from both the bad and the good. In the Bible, there is a story about a man named Job, who suffered immensely throughout his life, yet he continued to trust and seek God. At the end of his story, Job says to God: “I had
heard of you... but now my eyes see you” (Job 42:5, ESV). These past few days as I processed my mom’s condition, I remembered when my eyes met God’s eyes. Two nights before my dad’s death, I asked God if my dad would die. Mind you, everyone was telling me that my dad would live, even fellow believers, because for some reason
sometimes we limit God’s power within our physical context while disregarding that He is omnipresent, and forgetting that He was, He is and He will be. When I asked God that night if my dad would live more days here on Earth, I felt a holy silence that invaded the
room, and I saw His eyes. Without words, my Heavenly Father opened His heart for His plans to me in regards to my dad. I knew then that my dad would indeed live, but not how I wanted it, my dad would live in eternity. Even though I miss my dad every
single day, I find rest and peace knowing that now he has also met God’s eyes and rests in His arms. Although I have asked God if my mom will be here on Earth for a few more years, it is not the focus of my prayers. It is not that I don’t care, and obviously, I would
like to know, at least to prepare my heart for the worst if necessary. Yet, I have simply learned to live in God’s present, detach from the past and enjoy what I have for the day, for tomorrow belongs to Him. Whether my mom makes it through this virus or not, I know that she is in His hands, and that my heart is guarded in His heart. For tomorrow, He will provide spiritually, emotionally and physically my needs as He has done in the
past and in today’s now.
“26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance)
everything I have told you. 27 Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.] 28 You heard Me tell you, I am going away and I am coming [back] to you. If you [really] loved Me, you would have been glad, because I am going to the Father; for the Father is greater and mightier than I am.” (John 14: 26-28, AMPC).
Jennifer Puentes
04/08/2020
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